I am messed up by the lesbian and kinky sex my 'normal' lover made me do

I’m 26 and I’m definitely not a lesbian or bisexual.

My big problem is that I just don’t know how to say “No”.

He’s 38 and a high-earning accountant. He’s not into drinking or drugs, like my drug-dealer ex, so I thought he was safe, but he soon started bullying me.

I’m not into swinging or that kind of thing but he was very persuasive. He told me swinging was good for a relationship as there is no cheating involved, just everything out in the open, like good, honest fun.

He took me to sleazy, horrible clubs where he pointed at me and beckoned to women to give me a go. When I objected he said he knew best. He said women would be good for me to practise on.

He had sex with those women as well while I sat and watched. That messed with my head like you wouldn’t believe.

I did everything I could to keep him happy. I kept hoping he’d tire of the swinging one day and turn into the safe, caring man that I dreamed he could be — but he only got worse.

Soon it wasn’t just swinging I dreaded but also the sex back at home in his bed.

He gets off on dominant stuff like tying me up while he chokes me and spits in my face while calling me a slut. It brought back old feelings of shame. He went ballistic one day when I put on a dress that he’d already told me he didn’t like.

I was scared he would kill me and that’s when I left.

I’ve managed to escape him physically, but not mentally.

I can’t get the horrible things he did out of my head.

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It often follows an upbringing that has left us needy and with low self-esteem.

My e-leaflet on addictive love can help.

For a copy email [email protected] or private message me on my DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

DEIDRE SAYS: Thank goodness you left him when you did. He’s dangerous and you could have been killed. At least you’ve now learned that you can’t judge a man by the way he dresses or how much he earns. It’s how people treat you that shows who they really are.

It will help you on the road to recovery to ask yourself why you stayed for so long and endured such abuse. Did a part of you think you deserved to be treated like that? Have you been treated badly before, back in childhood perhaps?

It isn’t too late to find help for abuse from the past. It’s important you do so you don’t go there again.

My e-leaflet Abused As A Child? will help you understand its effects and to find understanding and support.

If you ever find yourself with someone like this again. walk out at the very first sign of abuse. Don’t hang around hoping someone will change.


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