Four ways to cope when your teenager becomes ‘allergic’ to you, according to a doctor
But a doctor has now revealed why this happens and more importantly the four ways to cope when it does.
Dr Justin Coulson, an parenting author and father of six has explained that the change in teens' behaviour is a really important part of the developmental process.
One his website, Happy Families, he writes: "As hard as it is to experience, it is developmentally appropriate for teens to pull away from their parents.
"Kids don’t tend to be particularly talkative at the end of the school day. That makes sense in many ways."
Dr Coulson added: "It's called identity development, and it's essential for our adolescents to do this to become fully functioning adults, to develop their own sense of who they are and to create their own personalities, with individual opinions, ideas and experiences."
He explains that yes, teens and their parents will tend to clash, but this doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship needs to become "allergic".
Australian Dr Coulson has advised that if parents follow these four easy steps they will cope with what's happening in their family.
1. Be involved
Staying close to your children is important, and even though teenagers can act like they don't want their parents' involvement, they do.
This doesn't mean that there's a need to smother your children with love or telling them what to do.
"If our teens feel that we are constantly telling them what to do, giving them correction and direction, it doesn't work out so well.
"But our teens still need to know that they are loved."
According to Dr Coulson, research has actually shown that the best way to deal with teenagers is to take time and listen to them and to have more of a egalitarian relationship instead of an authoritarian one.
He advised: "Take the time to listen and talk to them.
"Create opportunities for communication, such as family mealtimes or driving to school, training, work, or other activities."
2. Set boundaries
Setting boundaries are important and teens need to have limits to keep them safe.
Here it's important to not cross the line by making them feel as though an injustice has taken place.
Dr Coulson said: "We want our teens to feel we are working with them.
"We can still keep them safe. We do this by watching their moods closely, getting to know their friends and paying attention to how they're doing at school and in their activities."
But he cautions against having no rules.
The doctor added: "Though we shouldn't make too many hard and fast rules, we need to stand by the ones we do make."
3. Remember to have fun
Just like every healthy relationship, it's important to make sure you enjoy each other's company.
Developing an equal adult-like relationship with your teen is a good way to do this and you can find it through finding a mutual interest.
Then you and your teen can bond over an activity or subject you both love.
Dr Coulson said: "Play music together, loud. Sing. Play games. Wrestle. Find ways to laugh, and do it often."
4. Remind them their are other adults they can turn to
Teenagers might not always feel comfortable talking to their parents about absolutely everything.
So it's important to remind them that there are other adults who are there for them and will support them.
Dr Coulson added: "This could be a teacher, family member, or a coach."
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