I'm a marriage counsellor, my job’s taught me six things I’d NEVER say to my husband | The Sun

IT'S no secret that marriage is hard to make work.

What was initially cute and charming, can quickly become infuriating if you're in the wrong mood.

And if you're spending a lifetime with someone, you will inevitably be in the wrong mood at some point or another.

Many people seek outside help and have a couple's counsellor or mediator help them iron out their differences.

Now one of these pros, shared the six things that her work has taught her to never say to her husband.

Chanel Dokun, a certified New York City life planner who offers marriage and family therapy, gave her tips to PureWow, but how many are you guilty of? 

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You never wash the dishes

First off, Chanel explained that you'll neverget your partner to do what you want iF you use words like "always" or "never".

She explained that they're dismissive of any effort your husband makes.

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Instead, she suggested phrases like: "I wish you’d help out more with the dishes."

You’re lazy

Next up, she would never tell her husband that he's lazy.

She explained that even though from time to time her partner would come home and leave his clothes on the floor.

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This behaviour drives her mad, so while she would ask him to stop, she never attributed this to a character defect like "laziness".

Chanel said: “When we judge our partner’s character negatively beyond momentary mistakes, we enter into the danger zone of contempt.”

It’s all your fault

Chanel warned us not to play the blame game when things go wrong.

She explained it's important to take responsibility for our actions, even if our part was very small.

She said: "When we’re unwilling to acknowledge that the other person isn’t entirely responsible for the conflict, we stagnate reconciliation.”

Maybe we should get a divorce

The expert was clear that, even when marriage feels hard, you should never drop "the D-word".

She said: "The day we said ‘I do,’ we committed to weathering every storm with one another.

"Throwing out the word ‘divorce’ puts a crack in the secure foundation of our marriage."

Well, it’s stupid you feel that way

Chanel was clear that you can't dismiss the way your husband is feeling.

The pro said that offering empathy is key and we need to look beyond our own selfish responses to understand what that person will need.

She explained that even when you don't agree with how he feels, it's important to respect where he's coming from.

I make more money so my career is more important

Finally, rubbing money in his face is never a good idea if you wnat a strong and healthy marriage.

Chanel explained that there are many ways to contribute to a household.

The pro said: "We honour both of our contributions to our lifestyle, and we make a shared investment in our individual ambitions, regardless of the monetary return for each.

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"In this way, we are assets to one another in reaching our life goals rather than adversaries or competitors."

Chanel Dokun's book Life Starts Now: How to Create the Life You’ve Been Waiting For, is out in autumn.

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