My bloke can’t get me off, I’ve only orgasmed eight times in 17 YEARS

WELCOME to Ask Chloe, the no-holds-barred advice column with Chloe Madeley.

Each week Chloe answers sex-and-relationships problems, offering unflinching advice on how to deal with everything from lacklustre sex to finding the perfect partner.

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Q. I have been with my husband for 17 years.

Obviously we get along well and have so much shared history, but there’s a massive elephant in the room.

In all that time I have probably only climaxed eight times, and that’s always been with the help of myself or a toy.

I love him dearly and I don’t want to leave, but I need this to change.

We’ve tried talking, I’ve had the very uncomfortable conversations about how unsatisfied I am with our sex life but it’s made no difference.

Now I am fantasising about sex with other men.

A. I don’t think you’re suddenly fantasising about other men after 17 years with your husband because he’s only made you orgasm eight times.

I think you’re fantasising about other men because you’ve been married for 17 years!

There’s nothing wrong with it at all. “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife” was made the Tenth Commandment centuries ago, and it’s pretty telling of human nature that it’s even in there at all.

In terms of him making you orgasm, I think you need to show him what makes you climax, and why it does.

Just talking about why something gets you in the mood will probably turn you both on. Then, once he sees and understands, tell him to get creative.

There are a million different things he can do to pleasure you in ways you’ll never be able to do to yourself, and that’s when HE can really bring HIS fantasies to the fore.

I think you need to show him what makes you climax, and why it does

Q. My wife and my mum hate each other, they literally cannot stand one another. My wife thinks mum is too controlling and too needy.

My wife had issues with her own mum growing up – she left her when she was small – and it has meant she can be a bit closed and doesn’t always like being around my family.

I feel stuck in the middle, especially as they both slag each other off to me.

It’s causing a big strain in my marriage, I’ve had huge arguments with my wife about it.

We’ve only been married three years but at the moment we’re both unhappy.

They categorically do not want to talk to each other, so how I am supposed to help the rift?

A. This is very common, the wife and the mother-in-law often butt heads, because their primary territory is you.

Women are possessive, territorial creatures and we like our men to be ours.

However, this is deeply unfair on you and I think you need to sit them both down, separately, and tell them how much this is pulling you apart.

The first port of call should be your mum, because, as you say, you and your wife are on the brink right now.

Your mum needs to step back a bit and your wife needs to feel safe with you

Explain to her that your wife had a bad experience growing up and she needs to pull on all her maternal instincts and embrace and support your wife, while accepting that she’s not particularly family orientated.

Then, when things have cooled down speak to your wife.

Explain that she is your main priority, not your mother (even if this is a lie, it’s important that she feels that way), and that you have spoken to your mum.

There doesn’t need to be a family discussion, but your mum needs to step back a bit and your wife needs to feel safe with you.

Read Chloe's previous advice, including help for someone who's bloke was jealous of their sex toy, here.

Celeb corner

I’VE known Mel Sykes, 50, forever and I’m thrilled to see her living out my lifelong fantasy of jetting to and from Venice to hang out with her hot new Italian dreamboat (as much as is allowed at the moment anyway).

People seem most interested in the fact he’s 27 years younger than her, but all I care about is when we will get to see more photos of them kissing.

I don’t think the age gap is really that interesting.

When I was 25 I had a boyfriend who was 20 years older, and we never talked about the age gap.

So bravo Mel – the rest of us can only dream of such an adventure.

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