Everyone's talking about: Picnicscapes

Everyone’s talking about: Picnicscapes

You mean picnics.

No, we mean picnicscapes. They’re like picnics, but more beautiful.

And who is having them?

The who is not important – it’s the where that matters.

So where are they having them?

On TikTok. Anything with a picnic hashtag is going crazy just now.

So this is all about making your picnic look pretty on social media? That can’t be hard. Decent rug. Wicker hamper. You’re in business.

Oh dear.

What?

That is so not a picnicscape. You need help.

FORGET THE WICKER HAMPER. THINK MORE ALFRESCO EATING ON STEROIDS

From who?

An expert who knows the rules.

Picnicscapes have rules and experts?

Very much so.

Such as?

British interior designer Nicole Sage who advocates…

… green stuff?

If you keep interrupting, this picnicscape is never going to get off the ground.

Isn’t that where it’s supposed to be?

Not on TikTok. In fact, Sage says you need ‘outdoor cushions for texture and colour’ mixed with ‘floor cushions which will bring height and elevation to the setup’.

Can I ask a question now?

If it’s ‘What is the difference between an outdoor cushion and a floor cushion?’ then we don’t know. Just google it.

That wasn’t it.

Go on, then.

I’ve got a Ford Focus. If I do the big cushion thing, I might have to leave out the food.

Why don’t we park the Ford Focus for now and move on to the second rule of picnicscape.

Is it that you do not talk about picnicscape?

No, it’s that you need to make clever use of flowers and greenery. According to UK-based interior designer Miriam Prada…

Surely you mean she’s an exterior designer?

That’s not a thing.

Just checking. Carry on.

According to Prada you must ‘embrace the beauty of the outdoors by incorporating lush greenery and floral arrangements’.

But isn’t the point of a picnic that you lug all that stuff to a place already lush with greenery and flowers?

Well, Prada says you need extra greenery and we feel sure she knows more about it than you do.

Right, so I’ve packed big cushions and lush greenery. What next?

‘Delicate bud vases.’

What are those?

Small vases. Do try and keep up. These will, promises Prada, ‘add to your centrepiece’.

A centrepiece sounds very wedding-in-a-function-room. Isn’t a picnicscape supposed to look boho and casual?

It is and that’s why you need bud vases to ‘soften the overall look’.

Are there any food rules?

Glad you asked. As Ideal Home reminds us, you’ve got to treat your picnicscape like a dinner party. You wouldn’t put ‘supermarket-branded sausage rolls’ out for your guests, would you?

No, but if I happened to be passing Greggs…

Prada advises that you ‘embrace the culinary aspect as an extension of your creative canvas’.

Maybe she wants me to hug the sausage rolls?

OK. Let’s talk tableware.

Do I have to pack a table?

You wouldn’t put ‘supermarket-branded sausage rolls’ out for your guests, would you?

Don’t be silly – not a normal-sized table. Sage sanctions ‘a large chopping board if you’re in a park’, although Heal’s buyer Emily Dunstan adds that the tableware must feel authentic for the setting.

I’m guessing Emily Dunstan has never visited my local park.

Would an ‘artisanal clay ceramic dish’ sum up the vibe?

An artisanal clay crack pipe might be closer.

In that case, let’s move this picnicscape into your garden.

No, let’s move it into yours, then you can show me how a picnicscape should be done.

Excellent plan! We’ll supply the artisanal ceramics and you stay away from Greggs.

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