I only found my lover is married thanks to the lockdown but now I'm in too deep

DEAR DEIDRE:  THE relationship I enjoy with my man makes me feel really treasured when we are together – but he is married.

He didn’t even reveal he had a wife until we had been seeing each other for six months.

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We met on a dating site and chatted for a month before we met  for real. He was funny, cheeky and good-looking so I really took to him. He said he had kids he saw regularly but he and their mum weren’t together any more and I didn’t probe any further. He is 36 and I am 29.

He asked if he could come and see me late last summer. 

I live in a holiday spot and we had a lovely weekend together. It was fun to do the tourist stuff with him. He stayed with me and the sex was explosive. We are 100 per cent compatible.

He lives and works a three-hour drive away so he said he could only come to see me at weekends, and that’s how our relationship continued. He wasn’t great at staying in touch on weekdays but I assumed that’s just how he was. I thought we had something really special together and could see us getting together properly.


THE average personknows at least five gay men and three gay women.

But sadly even today, gay people can run into prejudiced thinking, even in their own family.

My e-leaflet Gay Resources has sources of support.

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Then Covid-19 arrived and everything changed. He said he wouldn’t be able to come to see me as he would risk bringing the virus to my area.

I suggested he move in with me as I knew his firm were furloughing staff and he would be safer here. He made excuse after excuse, none of which really made sense.

In the end I asked: “Is there something you’re not telling me?” He admitted he is married and lives with his wife and kids, so he was going into lockdown with her. He had been telling her he was having to work away at weekends.

Since then we’ve had endless fights on the phone. He managed to come to see me once and we were as passionate together as ever, but all my instincts tell me he’s never going to leave his wife and family.

How do I save myself from heartbreak? I can’t seem to let go.

DEIDRE SAYS: It was so wrong of him to hide the fact that he’s married and still living with his wife and family.

It may feel wonderful when you are together but he is a deceiving fake. Visiting you during lockdown was a health risk too.

I know it’s really hard but you will feel so much better if you take control – tell him he has lied to you and is short-changing his family, and that you never want to see or hear from him again.

Then look back and be honest with yourself. Did you really have no inkling? If you’ve been hurt before or seen someone close being hurt, it can leave you wary of a full-time relationship so you’re drawn to someone you suspect has another life. My e-leaflet Your Lover Not Free? can help.

NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE Since I've been furloughed I can’t climax when I have sex with my wife

READ DEIDRE'S CLASSIC PHOTO CASEBOOK Judy’s husband gets her to invite a sexy new neighbour over

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