I really fancy my new flatmate but don't want to lose my lovely 'friend with benefits'

I am a girl of 19 and have started university in the town close to where I grew up.

My best friend and I decided to do a house-share with two guys on our course and we are having a fabulous time partying as well as studying.

For the past six months I have been sleeping with an old friend from school.

He has always been there for me as a good mate and we have great sex. But we agreed a committed relationship was not for us — at least not right now.

The housemate I fancy is 24 and different from the other guys on the course.

He is older and seems much more mature in every sense. He has travelled, has lots of interests and is such a cool guy to be around. We often sit and talk in the evenings and he has told me lots about himself.

I know he ended an unhappy long-term relationship a few months ago.

He has said he likes the freedom of being single and yet he does flirt with me sometimes.

I find myself thinking about him during the day and look forward to our time together in the house. He sometimes texts me with funny little messages or just to say “hi”.

I think he likes me as more than just a housemate too. Last night he brushed past me when we stood in the kitchen opening a bottle of wine and it felt like an electric shock went through me.

My intuition says he will respond if I give him the come-on.

This is what I want more than anything right now but I don’t know if I am ready to give up on my friends-with-benefits buddy.


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DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds as if your housemate fancies you but he’s saying he likes the freedom of being single – and that’s probably the truth.

How would you feel if you dumped your FWB school friend, who you know really cares about your wellbeing, for a guy who might move on as soon as you’ve had sex with him?

My truthful advice would be to stop having sex with your mate.

FWB just muddies the boundaries of friendship.

Then you will both be better able to see whether you would like to be more than just friends, but are less likely to end up hurting one another if friends is all you want to be.

You will then be better able to assess whether a relationship might develop with your housemate.

But don’t jump into bed with him until he has stopped talking about enjoying the single life or you will only get hurt.

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