I'm full of regret at ever having children
I’m full of regret at ever having children because I miss my old life so much – why didn’t someone warn me not to do it?
- A mum admitted she is ‘full of regret’ over having children as she misses her life
- She took to Mumsnet explaining she doesn’t find parenting ‘rewarding’ at all
- Read more: Women debate if girls are ‘oversold’ the rewards of being a mother
A mum-of-two has revealed she is ‘full of regret’ over having children and said she misses her old life.
Taking to parenting platform Mumsnet, the British woman explained that she misses the ‘freedom and luxury’ of not having to think of everyone else all the time.
She admitted that she doesn’t feel that parenting is particularly ‘rewarding’ and if someone had warned her not to have kids she might have listened.
Some people suggested that she is probably depressed, while others said they agreed that having kids is not for everyone.
A mum-of-two has revealed she is ‘full of regret’ over having children and said she misses her old life (stock image)
The mother explained: ‘I’ve got two children who I love and they are sweet children who will (hopefully) grow into lovely people one day, and I adore them 80% of the time when there’s no tantrums etc.
‘But despite loving them, I feel deeply full of regret at ever having children. I miss my “old life” so, so, so much, I miss the freedom of just every single thing that comes without having children.
‘I miss my husband and how we used to be/how our relationship was then. I miss lazy weekends, not having to get up. And the travel I used to do… this is probably the biggest thing.
‘Yes I know I can still do things, and we do. But I mean that I miss the freedom and luxury of not having to think all the details/about everyone else. Everything is so much more of an effort, and I just basically really wish I’d stayed without children.
Taking to parenting platform Mumsnet, the British woman explained that she misses the ‘freedom and luxury’ of not having to think of everyone else all the time
‘I don’t feel that parenting is particularly ‘rewarding’ even when they do something pretty amazing. It’s cute but I don’t get any joy from it per se.
‘Probably one of the only things in life that you genuinely can’t change once it’s happened.
‘I don’t want people of offer ‘fixes’ on how I can do this or that. I guess I just wanted a safe space to voice my feelings because I can’t really say this out loud in real life.
‘I know this makes me a sh***y human, but I can’t help the feelings and sorrow I feel.
Many rushed to the comments to say the mother sounds like she has ‘depression’ and suggested she spoke to a therapist
‘I’m probably a bit depressed, but I know even if I am/even if I sort it, I will always feel this way. Why didn’t someone just me aside and tell me not to have them? I may well have listened!’
Many rushed to the comments to say the mother sounds like she has ‘depression’ and suggested that she speaks to a therapist.
One person wrote: ‘Would some private talking therapy be an option? You sound like you need some strategies to try and be more positive and present in your life and to let go of things you can’t always control.
‘I felt a lot of regret when my son was a tiny baby. Working through some simple online stuff around CBT and being more mindful, before having a couple of sessions of talking therapy really helped.
‘I’m a natural catastrophiser and it’s taken children for me to realise I naturally tend towards glass half empty than half full.
While others agreed with the original poster and said that parenting isn’t for everyone and they also regret it
‘Having some therapy allowed me to re-evaluate my approach entirely and I’m actually an all round calmer and easier going person for it, despite life being more “stressful” than it was five years ago.
‘Continuing to be this consumed in regret and remorse for a situation that is here to stay isn’t going to change anything and will just make you more miserable.’
While another wrote: ‘ Your feelings are completely valid, you are NOT a sh***y person in any way. But you do sound a bit depressed as others have said.
‘Can you get a GP appointment just to have a chat? How old are the children? What’s your sleep like?
‘What’s your “village” in real life? Do you have support? Do you have nice/fun people to hang out with? Mum friends?
‘Try not to think about it as your old life vs new. It’s all just life and it’ll change. What do you want for the future? How can you manifest your goals?’
While others agreed with the original poster and said that parenting isn’t for everyone, admitting they also regret having children.
Some people suggested that those who may not like parenting could of had a bad childhood themselves while others said mothers just need time to themselves more often
One woman wrote: ‘I could have wrote this word for word. I personally don’t understand the “you sound depressed” comments whenever someone says they don’t enjoy being a parent.
‘Is everyone meant to love it or something?! Because that couldn’t be far enough from the truth in my experience.
‘I have two under two and I always tell people that I think being a mum is hell. I don’t care if people judge me or whatnot because at the end of the day it’s me who’s living this life day in, day out.
‘I also wish someone would have just said “X are you sure you want to have a child?” and highlighted just how difficult it may be. Now I’m forever telling my friends to think about what they’re putting themselves in for if they want to try to conceive.
‘Only recently have I started a part time job and go to the gym so I feel like I have a little part of my old life back. But overall I still think being a mum is s***. I love my kids but if I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t have missed out on anything.
‘I have PND so maybe my view is skewed. However, I still think it’s possible to not enjoy being a mum without being told that you’re depressed! I have no advice (and you’re not after any anyway) but just know you’re not the only parent who feels like this.’
Another said: ‘Wanted to say you really are far from alone. I don’t have a c**p husband, I have family support, I have a high income and it’s just bloody hard a lot of the time.
‘With two, most of your world is going to be kids and work and for some of us, that isn’t enough. I wish more people would be honest about this.’
While others admitted that it does get better over time and she might love being a mum as her kids get older
While another wrote: ‘Honestly it’s like a prison sentence- mine is 12 so I’ve got another 6-8 years to go until freedom (hopefully).
‘It’s not rewarding it’s hard bloody work. My son has additional needs so maybe others’ experiences of parenting are easier but on the whole I think it’s a bloody thankless task!’
However, others insisted that it does get better over time and she might love being a mum as her kids get older.
One person wrote: ‘I was once berated by a friend for “not being honest” about being a mum. The thing is, I WAS honest about my experience, she just had a different one.
‘Having a child is bringing a small, completely dependent living being into your life. It changes your life completely. That’s unavoidable. Having two under two (I did too) is a very intense period of caring for tiny people.
‘But people are right, it changes hugely as they get older and don’t rely on you for all their physical needs. Mine are teenagers and I can have a social life and work as much as I want. They’re fun and interesting.’
Another said: ‘I felt like you! I felt conned when I had my first. Mine are now older (still preteen) and it’s so different.
‘I have trips booked with them this year and I’m so excited to show them the world. Our general routine revolves around them a lot (obviously school!) but overall I have my own time, we all enjoy what we want at the weekend, I feel more like myself. Hang in there.’
While a third wrote: ‘I found early parenting thankless and depressing so I only had one kid. I think all the “I’ve got three and I regret it” crowd maybe don’t actually regret it? They could have stopped before having more kids but something made them choose more. Often they have pets too.
‘I no longer regret becoming a parent, it’s the joy of my life but I could not have had another.’
Source: Read Full Article