I'm pregnant but don't know if the father is my cruel husband or passionate lover

DEAR DEIDRE:  I HAD sex with a guy after my husband left me. Now I’m pregnant and either man could be the father.

I am 27 and my husband is 29. He left last year after he found out I’d cheated on him.

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He was putting me down non-stop and I felt so low. So I responded when an ex got in touch. We met up and had sex.

I knew it was a one-off mistake but my husband was suspicious about that night and went through messages on my phone.

We didn’t talk for a couple of months until my husband started messaging me, asking for sex. I refused at first but gave in after he kept asking me.

I carried on meeting him, as I still love him. But I regretted the sex.

As soon as it was over my husband would tell me we were never getting back together.

Then I’d cry, as he knew how much I wanted him back.

I was out with friends one night during all this and got talking to a gorgeous guy.

He was tall and slim and really fit. We went back to his place and had the most passionate sex. He’s 32.

We continued to meet up and have sex until lockdown. We didn’t see one another during that time but kept in touch.

We met up a few times once the restrictions were lifted.

Now I am eight months pregnant and unsure who the father is — but I have been honest with both this guy and my husband.

To hurt me, my husband has just told me he is attracted to a girl, his best mate’s partner’s friend, though nothing has happened yet.

That hurt me so much. Finding it hard to control my emotions, I stopped all contact with him two weeks ago.

But I miss him so much and don’t know what to do.


RELATE and the University of Worcester are researching the impact of the pandemic on relationships and family life.

They want volunteers to share their experiences of life during the crisis.

Find details at ucw.onlinesurveys.ac.uk/families-un-locked-2020-wave1.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are paying a huge price for mistakes made when you were low and vulnerable, with pregnancy hormones adding to the emotional pressures.

You will soon have a new little person to care for. I hope your baby brings you joy but what a lot you have to cope with.

You feel you still love your husband but he has shown no respect for your feelings and has made it clear he isn’t getting back with you.

Please get help to look at why you are hanging on to such a damaging relationship.

You can get counselling online – and best have some sessions to help you feel calmer before your baby arrives.

Learn more at relate.org.uk or tavistockrelationships.org.

DNA tests will show who is the father. He will have a legal duty to help support his child – and I hope he will be a hands-on dad.

If you do find yourself facing life as a single parent, Gingerbread can offer support (gingerbread.org.uk, 0808 802 0925).

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