I’m worried my fiance’s rude stepdad will ruin our wedding day

Dear Coleen

I’m marrying my fiance this spring and I can’t wait. We’ve been engaged for two years and together for five years, and we’re both so excited we’re finally going to be husband and wife.

Because of wedding arrangements, we’ve had to see his family a lot more than usual. My parents live abroad, so his mum has been helping us a lot with the planning and we’re having the ceremony and reception near her home. She’s wonderful – it’s her husband (my fiance’s stepdad) who’s the problem.

I literally can’t stand him – he’s offensive and lecherous and I’m actually really worried he’s going to offend someone at the wedding.

A couple of weeks ago I was discussing plans with my fiance’s mum and he kept chipping in with unhelpful comments and inappropriate ­observations (i.e. he’s glad that the ­bridesmaids’ dresses are sexy!).

I lost my rag with him and told him what I thought, which I regretted immediately because my future mother-in-law was in tears. He claimed he was just joking and accused me of having no sense of humour.

All this is casting a shadow over what should be the happiest day of my life. Any ideas on how I can deal with this?

Coleen says

Oh dear. OK, first of all, stop worrying about him ruining your wedding – he won’t. Everyone will be having too much of a good time to pay him a lot of attention and most people probably know what he’s like and how best to handle him.

You could even ask a couple of trusted family members to keep tabs on him during the day and just make sure he’s behaving appropriately.

Also, why not just have a quiet word with him yourself and explain that you lost your temper because you find some of his comments offensive and you’re worrying that he’ll say the wrong thing at your wedding.

Hopefully, he’ll think about it and rein it in on the day. If you can’t face speaking to him yourself, then ask your fiance to do it. This is his family and he ought to be able to step in, hopefully without upsetting his mum.

As for her, you obviously feel bad that she was upset. I imagine she’s well aware of her husband’s character traits and probably feels a bit embarrassed, too. But don’t let what happened spoil your relationship with her.

It sounds as if she’s been a great support, so explain what’s been worrying you and talk it out. You never know, she might have already have had a word with her hubby.

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