‘I’ve now been diagnosed with gestational diabetes at six months pregnant’
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In the immortal words of Ross from Friends (who I weirdly appear to be quoting in every column) I guess things were just going too well for me.
At six months pregnant, I've suffered through intense morning sickness, aches and pains in my hips, pelvis and bottom region, intense heartburn and sleepless nights whilst my little boy kicks in the womb with the gusto of a showgirl on opening night.
But the pregnancy gods clearly did not think this was challenging enough. Because in yet another metaphorical slap across the face, I've now been diagnosed with gestational diabetes.
It's genetic, something that runs in the family on my mum's side. It's high blood sugar that develops during pregnancy and usually disappears after giving birth.
"It's not anything you've done wrong," the midwives reassured me when the results came back positive. I nodded, secretly thinking back to every time in pregnancy when I've ended up face down in a vat of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream.
Yet it's honestly not lifestyle related in my case. And 1 in 20 women will get it. It's perfectly manageable and should go as soon as I give birth.
But it's still an absolute bitch.
Gestational diabetes makes you more susceptible to urine infections, which I've also got. Peeing every half an hour and enduring pelvic pain so intense it makes your eyes water is no piece of cake.
Which is funny as that's something I can no longer eat.
As if pregnancy hadn't forced me to give up enough things I loved. A glass of crisp white wine, smelly blue cheese and raw salmon sashimi. Now I have to change my whole diet and massively restrict the amount of sugar and carbs I consume.
That's right, sugar and carbs. It's like bidding farewell to my nearest and dearest. At 28 weeks pregnant, it should be my moral right to sit on my sofa and use my blossoming bump as a tray whilst I feast on chocolate and pizza and chips.
But now, I'll have to go for a low carb, low sugar diet and prick my finger after every meal to make sure my glucose levels aren't too high. Someone should put that warning on the back of condoms.
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Thankfully there's so much information out there online. Tik Tok and Instagram are full of women sharing their daily diets and new recipe ideas. There's a whole community that have offered reassurance and made me feel confident that I can do this.
And despite the temptation, the risk to eat whatever I like really isn't worth it. Especially after the midwives warned me it could lead to an even bigger baby. I was hardly looking forward to the idea of pushing a normal sized baby out, let alone squeezing out an American linebacker through my fairy.
It's only 12 weeks until my baby boy will be here. I can hold off and make the sacrifice for him.
I just hope my partner realises that he needs to be on babysitting duty in the weeks after birth as I will be busy drowning in a sea of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
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