My ex can’t even be trusted to hold our baby but could ask for increased access

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex can’t even be trusted to hold our baby and I’m scared he’s going to want increased access.

I’m 28 and now a single mum to an eight-month-old daughter.

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My ex is 26. Since our baby was born, he’s been clumsy and stupid around her. He swears all the time and has a violent temper. I’ve seen him punch the walls until his hands bleed. 

He was living with me and my mum until she said he had to go.

He hasn’t been able to see our daughter because of the pandemic and even when I asked if we could FaceTime he’d say: “No, don’t bother.”

He didn’t seem interested in her so I didn’t push it. Then he asked to visit over Easter. 

He turned up stoned and started behaving irrationally, holding the baby with one hand and reaching for other things on purpose because I told him to hold her properly. He’s an idiot and now I’m scared he’ll want regular access. 

DEIDRE SAYS: If his name is on the birth certificate, he does have parental rights but that said, you have a right to keep your child safe.

Insist that you put access to your daughter on a formal footing with help through National Family Mediation (, 0300 4000 636).

Raising your concerns with the mediator will show him that the access must be on your terms with your daughter’s welfare as priority.

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