Should You Text Someone After They Stood You Up? Experts Say To Follow Your Gut
Being stood up is probably one of the crappiest parts of dating. You really can’t predict if and when it’ll ever happen, and when it does, you never usually know why. You think, "Maybe they’re stuck in traffic," or "Maybe they got held up at work," but it’s only after an hour has passed and they haven’t reached out that you realize you’re getting stood up. It sucks, but the good thing is that even if you can’t control it, you can control your response. So, should you text someone after they stood you up? According to experts, it’s totally up to you.
"It’s a terrible feeling to be stood up," Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, licensed clinical psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of the new book Training Your Love Intuition tells Elite Daily. "And the aftermath can feel even worse: Should you contact that person? One part of you doesn’t want to contact the person because [you might worry that] it might make you seem desperate. But the other part of you might be worried: Did something happen to this person?" Being stood up is awful, and if you’re going through it, you have my complete sympathy. But at the end of the day, you alone need to decide what to do, as Wish says.
If you’re just curious and want to know what happened — which you have every right to, by the way! — Wish suggests asking your date a simple question. "There is a way to contact the person without appearing you are chasing after them," she explains. "You could text something like ‘Hope you are okay.’ Or, another option is to text, ‘Did I get the day and time wrong?’" This allows the person to explain themselves, without putting yourself in too vulnerable of a position. However, just because you text them a simple message like Wish suggests, that doesn’t exactly mean they’ll respond. But, "if you do not receive a response, then be relieved that you did not waste your time with a rude and immature person," Wish says.
Additionally, it might be a good idea to see if your no-show date can talk on the phone. "Texts simply cannot cover enough psychological and emotional components to truly understand what is going on," Dr. Josh Klapow, clinical psychologist, tells Elite Daily. "Always give the person the benefit of the doubt initially. But push for a phone call or in-person meeting. If they resort to text messages or push to text only, they are showing you they don’t have the courage to face you. And it is time to move on." You deserve answers, and if they don’t give them to you, then you deserve better.
Being stood up can leave you hurt and confused. Unfortunately, you might never get an answer as to why. "You may never know the reason the person stood you up," Wish says. "So, your winning strategy is not to dwell on it or blame yourself — just move on." Don’t let this one negative experience ruin dating for you, and don’t let this person hurt you. You’re awesome, and you should spend your time with someone who truly sees that.
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