The Bodega Boys have way better weekends than you

Lifelong Bronxites and pop culture podcasters Desus Nice and the Kid Mero, a k a the Bodega Boys, hit Madison Square Garden’s Hulu Theater Sunday for the New York Comedy Festival. “It’s gonna be lit,” says 37-year-old Desus. “It’s like a huge family gathering,” adds Mero, 35. “And we’re gonna go to Red Lobster afterward.” The two are also working on a late-night show for Showtime, set to air early 2019. “Don’t worry, it’s still gonna be authentic Desus and Mero, just with a bigger budget.” Meanwhile, they tell HANNAH SPARKS how they spend their weekends around town.

Mero: Friday night is typically DJ Hasan Insane at this place called Locksmith. It gets jam-packed, and not pretentious at all. I don’t even like pickles but I love their fried pickle chips. On the late-night tip, Crosstown Diner on Tremont and Bruckner has been a staple for years. And Tommy’s Pizza on East Tremont is also open until 2 a.m. It’s legit New York pizza, and I’m saying that as a Bronxite.

Desus: There’s an old-school hip-hop-themed bar-slash-restaurant called Beatstro. They have amazing jerk pork belly ribs. You can dance in there, get a little schmizzy … Because I’m definitely trying to make it popping. For late-night food I’d have to go to Jackie’s West Indian Bakery. They have some of the best beef patties and Jamaican food in NYC.

Mero: You know how people ask, “What’s your earliest memory?” Swinging on the swings at this park by Dyckman is mine. We’ll go there on Saturdays just to tell my kids, “This is Daddy’s old playground,” and they’re fascinated by it. If I wanna shop for clothes, eat somewhere or watch two people fight shirtless in the parking lot, I’ll go to Bay Plaza. They got a Dallas BBQ, which is like the ’hood version of barbecue. If you get two Texas-size margaritas, you might “Texas-size” your car off the side of the road.

Desus: I have a dog that died two years ago but Muskrat Cove was my dog’s favorite place. Every now and then I go there and think about my dead dog. That’s not as dark as it sounds. I’ll meet up with family and go to either the Lobster Box or Crab Shanty on City Island. Then I can be reckless and irresponsible, because it’s Saturday in one of the greatest cities in the world. I might be at Rambling House in Woodlawn. It’s an Irish neighborhood, so there’s heavy Irish foods around. If I were sober I would never buy that stuff, but when it’s 2 in the morning and nothing else is open … Listen, I’m chewing on haggis. Let’s go. I’ve bought some very sketchy meat product, definitely.

Mero: A Sunday spot for my family is Sabrosura on Castle Hill. It’s definitely life changing. We’ll stick two long tables together and just go bananas on the menu. They have this seafood mixture in this little fried-plantain cup. I could eat a million of those in a row.

Desus: My mother goes to church, then I come visit her to get the guilt trip because I didn’t. The payoff is she makes a huge meal of curry goat, rice and peas, callaloo, all the traditional Jamaican food. For shopping, there’s Bronx Terminal Market. Every store has super security and the shopping carts lock up when you get a certain distance away from the store. Their Applebee’s is kind of dangerous, which makes it appealing. I might go get some chicken wings and almost get into a bar fight. You can catch me with a Henny Colada. Then the bill comes and it’s $24. And you’re like, “I had like 10 drinks!”

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