This Is What It’s Like to Have Your Pores Literally Vacuumed

I have plenty of embarrassing qualities. One of them is my habit of drinking wine and unfollowing people on social media when I’m pissed off. Another is the fact that I’ve seen every single episode of 90 Day Fiancé — I even write a column about it. Perhaps the most embarrassing thing about me, though, is that am obsessed with my pores and the pores of others — and the more gunk I get to see come out of those bad boys, the better.

I realize that this fascination is, for most, repulsive. I also realize that it is completely, 100 percent normal to have clogged pores. Your pores are actually designed to clean themselves, and there is no such thing as being “poreless.” In other words, skin gonna skin, no matter what you do. Still, I find the challenge of discovering new and effective pore treatments — clays and muds, peel-off masks, AHA acids, chemical peels — a pure, unadulterated, sebum-enriched delight.

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All of this considered, you can imagine my reaction upon discovering the Dermalinfusion facial, a treatment that literally vacuums the shit out of your pores and collects it in a jar that you can see afterwards.

I almost cried.

Here’s how it works: The Dermalinfusion tool is a pen-shaped device that simultaneously sucks the grime out of your face and infuses your pores with reparative, hydrating serums. The tip of the device is an exfoliating diamond plate that sits in the center of a pressurized vacuum, encapsulated by a liquid-filled chamber that pushes serums into the pores right after your oil and gunk is sucked out. All of the rejected material flows through a hose into a glass beaker, which you can see when you’re finished with your treatment (if you’re into that kind of thing, and if you haven’t gathered this by now, I absolutely am).I got the Dermalinfusion treatment at Glo Skin & Laser in New York City. There, the pore vacuuming process takes about 20 minutes, and is followed by a light chemical peel. The last step is a cooling hydrating mask to calm the skin post treatment — it doesn’t hurt, but my sensitive skin definitely reacted to the process — and you’re good to go. No downtime, no peeling, nothing.

And then, as if the prospect of a perfectly glowing complexion wasn’t good enough, you get to see The Jar. Admittedly, my jar of pore gunk wasn’t that thrilling — in fact, it was the only time in the history of my life that I wished my skin was dirtier, simply so that the jar payoff was more dramatic. However, you could definitely see evidence of what little filth was lurking in my pores — I’ll leave out the gory details here, since most humans do not enjoy graphic descriptions of floating dermal debris as much as I do. I will say, though, that according to the aesthetician that performed the treatment, some people’s jars are yellow when all is said and done.

I truly cannot think of anything more satisfying.

If a jar full of skin trash isn’t enough proof of efficacy for you, let the after-effects do the convincing. My skin was red for a few hours after the treatment, but in the following days, I noticed that it was visibly brighter, smoother, and extremely clear. Here is me, before and after the treatment. As you can see, the glow is real.

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Dermalinfusion works for a variety of skin types — even super acne prone skin can benefit from the process — and is available at salons across the country. Check your local aestheticians office to find out more.

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